Change

January 13, 2015


I wasn't really sure how to approach this here, and why I basically left this space quiet for so long, but here goes. I am tired of writing a blog that mostly focused on acquisition of goods for myself, while encouraging others to do the same.

There. For the three of you that are left, that's how I'm feeling these days.

The dirty secret of the blog world is this: we consume, hoping you will consume, and when you do we make a fee for our efforts and it all gets very exciting.

It's a hamster wheel, and if you aren't vigilant about keeping your head above water, it can pretty much drown you. At what cost?

At some point in 2014 I had a big "what the actual hell, Lauren?" moment. I think it was on our honeymoon. For two weeks, I traveled with nothing more than a carry-on and a tote bag, with my husband by my side...it was all I needed. Traveling light is nothing new to me, but this time it really hit me. Did I really need more than I already owned? Did I really need everything I already owned? Did those things make me as happy as this gift of travel, of unconditional love, of fulfillment that I was experiencing?

Well, no.

That was the start of a shift of epic proportions, and I never saw it coming.

As a creative, I can appreciate the beauty in many, many things. And fashion? It's art. The perfect fabric, the way a blouse drapes just so, the careful stitch on a well-made garment. The loftiness of a dreamy cashmere, a delicate sheen of silk. It plays to all my creative senses and I really can't get enough. Borrowing a phrase from one of my (now) favorite books, the right garment totally sparks joy for me.

The dangerous pitfall is that falling in love means you want it, nothing can stop you from getting it and who cares if you really need it?

Say what?

By some happy coincidence I ended up reading "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up" by Marie Kondo. It came out in October, just as we got back from our honeymoon and I was ripe for change. The premise of the book is this - keep only what sparks joy.

Do extra cords, cables, manuals to printers and software discs bring you joy? Toss.

Does that sweater that you keep having to sew a button back on because it's cheaply made bring you joy? Toss.

Did you buy that shirt thinking you would wear it all the time and now it hangs in your closet because it was really, really expensive, causing you guilt every time you open the closet door? Donate.

I'm a fan of decluttering, but this book spoke to my heart. When I narrowed down my list of the five things I was most thankful for in my life, did an object land on that list? No.

Can you see where this is going by now?

Within about two weeks, I quickly donated two car loads of items to local charities that could use them more than me. They weren't bringing me joy, but boy I wish I could have snapped a picture of the faces on the staff where I donated. I would look at it any time I felt down.

I recycled and trashed about 20 bags of goods.

You might think by now I must have been a hoarder, and our place a disaster, but that's really not the case. Those who know me best wouldn't declare my home messy, or say that I had too many things. Our apartment wasn't sparse, but it wasn't bursting at the seams.

Besides the financial investment when you purchase an object, we forget about the "cost" of maintaining, storing, and moving them. There is an emotional cost, too. Fresh off Marie and eager to keep pushing forward, I read "Everything That Remains" by The Minimalists.

Minimalist? Hmm.

I experienced a little resistance in my gut when that word kept coming up. Did it mean I would have to live in a stark space, with none of my favorite photos or art? Did it mean I would have to get rid of 90% of my closet and only cycle between 10 items?

What I learned, is that minimalism looks different for everyone. But the basic philosophy is this - the best things in life aren't things, and clearing the excess out of your life allows you to focus on what matters most.

Lately, by not focusing on acquiring things, I find myself with all sorts of free time. I'm working out six days a week, trying new classes that previously I would be scared of, or not have time for. I'm reading every single day. And I'm feeling more creative - with time to document it.

And here I am, doing just that, in this space. I need to get this excitement and spark I feel recorded. When I'm having a moment where I want to take the easy route, this will be my inner voice.

I am no longer a resolution or list person, but this year I wanted to give myself a word to focus on. Mine is presence. Whatever I'm doing it, I want to be all there. I owe it to life. I want to notice the little things, feel it all. And I will always, always stop to smell the roses.


39 Comments:

  1. I'm so glad you wrote this - I've stopped following majority of the bloggers I used to read a few years ago because of this exact reason. They are all perpetuating this idea that you *need* to keep buying things constantly. Cute things are wonderful and bring you a high of about five seconds, and then you're looking for the next cute thing. I've heard so much about Marie Kondo's book and can't wait to read it.

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  2. I loved Marie's book! It's the first book of that kind that has truly made a difference in my perspective and habits. Good for you!!

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  3. Thanks for this! I hear you completely and this is a shift I've been making in my life for some time now. It seems like you're getting a lot out of your transition!

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  4. Love this! Thank you for your honesty. This topic is something that I have been really working toward, and now I am off to reserve that book from my library!

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  5. I think you will love that book, Amber. Please let me know if you do!

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  6. So far, so good. But feeling like so much more can be eliminated. What part of this process has been the hardest for you? How did you deal with it?

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  7. Lori - I could seriously rename this site WWMKD (What Would Marie Kondo Do?) and call it a day - she's a goddess, in my opinion!

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  8. Maryam - thank you, I am happy I am not alone. I stopped reading blogs myself for the same reason. But if you're looking for a few great blogs that are willing to take a stand against that, I highly recommend:


    Un-Fancy
    Into Mind
    Becoming Minimalist
    The Minimalists
    Be More With Less


    Let me know how you enjoy Marie's book, I am *such* a fan.

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  9. I missed your posts! I read daily too; some business, some for pleasure, but I read. Moving into a 690 square foot apartment I get the keep what you need, toss what you keep moving...

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  10. Amen. Amen.


    I think you have described the "lifestyle" blogosphere perfectly and a reason I tend to avoid or unfollow many of them. I appreciate visual inspiration, but the pushing to consume and sponsored posts are always a turn off for me.


    A few of the blogs that have inspired my own lifestyle changes: "Becoming Minimalist" "Zero Waste Home" and "Non-Consumer Advocate", along with continuing a debt-free lifestyle. And a strong yoga practice of course!


    Enjoy the journey :-D

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  11. Lauren, great post. I stopped blogging for similar reasons — I think your hamster wheel analogy is perfect. I can't wait to see where your journey takes you and I'm excited to follow along. Maybe I'll even follow your lead!

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  12. Your presence back here on my blog feed is welcome!! I think your focus word is perfect.

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  13. Do you buy physical books or read digitally? I am a big Kindle reader, but I also love a good art book and have struggled to really downsize those. I did manage to get rid of a bunch and get a $60 Amazon credit via their buy back program! Which I promptly used to buy more books on my Kindle :)

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  14. It's hard - I think the majority of bloggers aren't huge fans of pushing people to consume, or necessarily WANT to do that (and sponsored posts, especially) but if you are blogging full time, it's pretty much required to create income. Double edged sword.


    I LOVE Becoming Minimalist, but I've never heard of the other two - thank you for the recommendation, I'm checking them out now!

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  15. Amy - what was interesting to me in Marie Kondo's book is that you can still love fashion, and still *purchase* fashion, just with more thought and care. And that a shoe lover's uncluttered might look different than a book lover's uncluttered. You don't have to discard it if you truly love it and will still wear it, but if you don't, why not let it go so that when you open your closet, every single item is something you can't wait to wear? I still have plenty, but what I have I use and I truly love all of it. It's actually made it easier to get dressed and I end up feeling more put together than when I had way too many options.

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  16. I live in about 500 sq. feet so it's a necessity. I've found that creating a capsule wardrobe has been, by far, the most fun part. But the kitchen is where I've had the hardest time simplifying. For one, I'm constantly filling it up with food every week, but also there are emotional ties and a lot of financial investment in my kitchen utensils and appliances. And there's just such a large emotional attachment to food-related items. Getting rid of books has been, surprisingly, the easiest (and I was an English major!). Even as an physical book lover, I find that having a tiny Kindle makes me read so much more often. For everything, I'm generally operating by the William Morris quote, "Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful."

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  17. Great post! And so timely, my sister gifted me that book for Christmas.

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  18. I have two bookshelf's that are like 7 feet tall; that are full of books, but for the past probably 3-4 years I've been getting e-books. I mostly use the Kindle app on my iPad, but sometimes I get the book free/very discounted through iBooks or B&N Nook. It's more convenient for me. No light at night (I often fall asleep with the iPad) and on my phone if I'm waiting somewhere and don't have my iPad with me.

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  19. Thanks for the blog referrals too!! A fresh perspective, along with you, is perfect!

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  20. AH! This is the greatest. I am totally in that mode. And I also found I want less the less I have. And I want less the better I feel internally. I am so glad to see you back on your little Internet corner. XO

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  21. You hit the nail on the head. Thank you for being so candid and honest and putting it on the line. I know I have been feeling the same way, so I'm sure others are as well. My sister had the same feelings and decided to take on "minimalism" her own way. She paired down her closet creating a capsule wardrobe and said it has allowed her to stop wanting to shop and buy yet she doesn't feel unlimited. Un-fancy.com is a great blog to follow if you're interested in starting a capsule wardrobe. I'm looking for ways to clear my head and stop buying buying buying and hope to follow along with your "new" blog.


    hammerandheelsblog.com

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  22. Ahhh yes. I am trying to not acquire more items than necessary. i need to do another purge soon, and i do like your idea of not needing items to be happy. thanks for this.

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  23. I LOVE Un-Fancy and her capsule wardrobes! I've pretty much turned my closet into a working capsule. I don't change mine out every season since San Francisco is pretty seasonless, but I love the idea of only having a set number of pieces at any given time.

    Have you read Paradox of Choice? Highly recommend that book, or if you want to skip that he has a great TED Talk: http://www.ted.com/talks/barry_schwartz_on_the_paradox_of_choice?language=en

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  24. It's heartwarming to hear that others are on the same page, especially other bloggers. I understood my blog might not be as popular once I took a stand, but I also knew that it was more important to stand up for what I think is right. Thank you, thank you, for being in my corner!

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  25. You hit the nail on the head. As a style blogger, I recently had a similar epiphany (and blogged about it as well). I was tired of reading all those blogs that are getting paid to sell *things*. I feel like the world of blogging is losing it's personality, individuality, and focus. Personally, I started to really evaluate what I spend my money on and, focusing on things I would love years from now instead of the current trends. I also decided I would not do affiliates or advertisements so I wouldn't fall down the rabbit hole of being controlled by outside companies. It's been liberating. I look forward checking out the books you've read as well as continuing to follow you moving forward! Thanks for sharing!

    Dana @ The Closet Confessional

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  26. It's nice to have you back, Lauren! I missed your blog.

    And I appreciate your thoughts about enjoying beauty while not always needing to buy All The Things. I've been reading fewer blogs recently as well because so many of them have slowly become, for lack of a better word, catalogs. It's like paging through a catalog some company sent in the mail wanting me to buy a lot of things, except it used to be someone's blog. And it's hard -- I get that if you're going to support yourself blogging, the income has to come from somewhere, and the only real source for that right now is ads/sponsorships. I don't have a real good answer for that.

    But I can honestly say a catalog-blog is not one that I really want to read. I'm much more interested in writing, photos, and art that point me to the beauty that is already there in the world, right in front of me, and helps me stop and enjoy it.

    So thanks for keepin it real. I'm looking to your focus on _presence._ Let's do it!

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  27. I'm late to the comment party, but I've been ruminating over these things myself lately. Last year we downsized from a 1500 SF duplex to a 700 SF 1 bed/1 bath apartment and I LOVE it. We got rid of stuff and are paying less rent. Gift giving and receiving for me is now entirely about experiences. I'm definitely a sentimentalist so getting rid of things (and there's still so much left) has been hard, I attach emotional value to EVERYTHING. But I feel so much better after a purge. And sometimes my husband and I joke about picking up and moving to the UK for a year, just for the hell of it. Working on a sheep farm or something. And I don't want my stuff to be what holds me back from having adventures!

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  28. I always love reading your thoughts, and to see how you've evolved. You've always had such a great outlook, and I've always really respected what you have to say. I have been working on not buying so much. I still buy more than I need to, I know that. I've been trying really hard though to be better about that - only keeping things I know I will wear, things that work for me. I could cut back for sure, and this post has inspired me to do a bit of my own cleaning out before I move in May. Please keep us updated on everything!

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  29. Dana - I just read your post and loved it. Sounds like we both have wise husbands. I admire you for still being able to share your style, but in a way that feels like you vs. what you think you should do. Those are the blogs I always enjoy reading. I'm excited to see how you navigate the style blog world while maintaining your authenticity - it seems like you've got a great start!

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  30. Thank you, and I'm glad I am not the only one. I totally understand the sponsorships as sole source of income - it's really the only way bloggers can make money these days. But, after chatting it over with my husband, he said "well, you have your day job to make money from." Since this blog is not my sole source of income, why did I feel like I had to make extra income from it? Nice, yes. Necessary, no. Especially when it comes at a price like losing authenticity. Thanks for following along, and cheering me on!

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  31. I am a sentimentalist, too. And I am still sorting through those sentimental possessions. By far, the hardest items to let go of. I found a lot of help in sorting through those by reading "Everything That Remains" by The Minimalists, and some of their essays online, too. It's still not easy, but I'm slowly but surely letting them go.

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  32. Thanks, Fran! What I've always admired about your blog is how real you keep it - you buy, but you're frank with your readers about what you pay for items, how you budget, how picky you are when shopping, and I feel like your process is great guidance for shopping more mindfully. That's why I still love following your blog, even though I don't follow many these days.

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  33. Very well written post. I've gone through a similar thought process recently (and I also found Marie Kondo's book to be both inspirational and helpful). I didn't actually pare down my closet much at all, but I was able to declutter the rest of my apartment by quite a bit.


    I was also hoping to initiate other changes like those you mention (working out more, being more focused on what I'm doing at school and work, reading more, etc.) and I find that those changes are a bit more slow in coming. There is progress, but I find myself getting a bit preoccupied with the setbacks (i.e., snowy weather has kept me from working out).

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  34. For years, the only "self-help" book I had ever read was "Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui" by Karen Kingston. It is terrific, and I've returned to it over the years. This Christmas, my husband gave me Marie Kondo's book, and while I liked a few of her points, I like Karen's book far more. If you liked Marie's, I suggest giving Karen a go.

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  35. I think the world must have turned a bit, I read the book on holiday and came home to clear my life out too! I now have the physical and mental room to have started to exercise (wow!) eat cleaner, read more, watch some truly inspirational ted talks, focus more on being a better work colleague and most important properly engage with my kids. I consume less, eat less and enjoy life more. Keep writing your blog, it sounds like there is a growing swell of ladies following the concept and just imagine how much could be achieved by a group of women not tied to consumerism and aiming for something better for the next generation.

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